Supporting loved ones during difficult times: AFTER passing (4)

In addition to funeral and memorial services, a pre-cremation service with a final viewing is offered. This provides an opportunity for family and friends to be with their loved one’s physical body one last time. The minister will impart the teachings of Amida Buddha, emphasizing the truth of impermanence and the profound connection in Amida’s compassionate embrace, transcending physical separation with the departed.

Regarding memorials, a common question pertains to the counting of years, which can be confusing. For instance, why is the third year observed in the second year after passing? In the Jodo Shinshu tradition, memorials are observed on the 7th day (continuing every seventh week until the 49th day), the 49th day, 100th day, 1st, 3rd, 7th, 13th, 17th, 25th, 33rd, and 50th anniversaries. It is said that these observances are rooted in Chinese traditions, and customs, with a particular emphasis on the numbers three and five. To avoid confusion after the first year, it may be clearer to refer to these as ‘times’ rather than ‘years.’ Thus, the ‘third time’ refers to the counting method starting with the date of death as one, the first anniversary as the second time, and the year following (the second year) as the third time. While there are prescribed schedules for memorials, some families choose to hold memorials monthly (on the date of death), annually, or whenever the family can gather, continuing even beyond the 50th year, as memories and love endure, prompting the family to remember their deceased loved one.

As described in previous articles, memorials serve not only to honor the deceased but also to support the living who are left behind. Sometimes, families may choose to forgo a memorial service and instead make a donation to a temple in memory of their loved one, or they may not observe it at all. Ultimately, the decision rests with the family. It’s important to consider that memorials offer a chance for families to gather, reconnect, and strengthen their bonds. Regrettably, we often meet people at funerals whom we haven’t seen in life. While it’s a somber occasion, it also provides an opportunity to meet and cherish our connections. Additionally, memorials are a time to reflect on our loved ones in the tranquility of a sacred space. Although family and friends may think of them often, setting aside dedicated time is significant. Ministers encourage families to remember their loved ones as guiding beings for those who remain. Essentially, memorials offer a moment for the living to contemplate life and death, our current existence, and its inevitable end: what will happen when I take my last breath, and what will become of my family and friends? Memorials can be observed not only at temples but also in our own homes. They are like gifts from our loved ones, allowing us to lead enriched lives filled with compassion and wisdom through remembering our departed loved ones.