Supporting loved ones during difficult times: BEFORE passing (2)

It’s never too early or too late to consider end-of-life planning. Discussing this topic with others, whether for oneself or for family and friends, can be uncomfortable. It may feel too sensitive, negative, overwhelming, or emotional. Some may postpone these considerations until they reach a certain age. However, if one becomes unable to make decisions, it’s challenging for families to make choices without knowing their loved one’s wishes.

When we are stable and healthy, it’s wise to prepare for our passing. This means living life according to one’s wishes until the very end. Considerations might include life-prolonging measures, refusal of medical treatment, nutrition and hydration, pain management, appointing a power of attorney, burial or cremation preferences, inurnment location, funeral arrangements, and handling of personal documents, among others. It’s beneficial to consult with authorities about end-of-life options, including the Advance Directive. Most importantly, discussing your wishes with family or a trusted individual ensures that your preferences are understood, avoiding frustration and difficulty should you lose the ability to communicate.

Rennyo Shonin, the 8th spiritual leader of Hongwanji, taught that each of us must secure our afterlife. It involves answering the question of what happens to us when we die. Jodo Shinshu offers the belief that Amida Buddha embraces all just as they are and compassionately guides individuals toward the transition to the Pure Land. Traditionally, the end of life was crucial as it determined one’s passage to the Pure Land. One needed to maintain strong faith, a pure heart and mind, and chant the Buddha’s name to be born in the Pure Land. However, the conditions at life’s end vary, and maintaining a pure heart and mind amidst pain, uncertainty, and diminished capacity can be challenging. Therefore, Shinran Shonin recognized that it is not the end of life, but the ordinary moments—today, right here, right now—where one’s birth is assured through Amida Buddha’s compassionate embrace. Since our birth is assured, the manner of our end-of-life is inconsequential. Birth in the Pure Land is managed by Amida Buddha, not by us. We may be worried, concerned, cry, feel overwhelmed, miss, and be devastated, yet Amida Buddha’s compassion envelops us, reassuringly calling, “Leave it to me, Amida; I shall take care of it.”.

We come to realize that our loved one is not merely passing away but is under compassionate care, born in the Pure Land, reuniting with loved ones, and returning to this world in various forms to guide those left behind. Death cannot divide us. Let us be open to and accept compassionate care, and find ourselves in Amida’s embrace, here and now, today.